CCA Bulletin 5.11.25

Dear Parents,

I admit that I am not a patient person. Having instant information at my fingertips has not helped me learn patience; in fact, I think it’s had the opposite effect. I often unwind in the evening with a mindless game on my cellphone. I try to wipe out as many vertical and horizontal lines as possible in an 8×8 square grid. Sounds harmless, but I’ve found that when I decide to put my phone away and concentrate on something else, the game calls to me. At some point, it became addictive without my even realizing it.

Our new reality is that most of us, including our kids, don’t know what to do with downtime. “The Extinction of Experience,” by Christine Rosen, captures the conundrum we face. Here is an excerpt from her book that talks about the plight of boredom and why we need to face it rather than fill it with our phones:

“Does it matter if we no longer tolerate boredom, let our minds wander, cultivate a sense of anticipation, and practice patience? Our demand for immediate answers is voracious, and not entirely a bad thing. It drives innovation and commerce and has allowed for communication on a scale barely imaginable a century ago. But living a full, meaningful human life means coping with the liminal, those in-­between moments of life when we must endure uneasy or uncomfortable experiences, from boredom during a meeting to bearing witness to another’s illness, to simply being stuck on a bus. 

In everyday life, we can all try, however modestly, to shift our individual perceptions and behavior by embracing a more generous sense of anticipation and a healthier attitude about delay, by reframing waiting as an opportunity for daydreaming and idle time rather than an excuse for distraction, and by trying to be more patient with one another. Such advice does at least have a long pedigree. Aristotle is said to have warned, ‘Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.’

Parents have a crucial role to play in teaching children how to deal with boredom, and it can be as easy and as old-school as simply telling them: ‘Go outside and play.’ Instead of handing a child a slot machine of distraction, encourage them to come up with their own game or activity. Rather than structuring and organizing an activity for your children, let them figure that out for themselves, or with their peers. Children are extraordinarily creative when given the space and time to indulge their wandering minds, but this often requires first overcoming the immediate challenge of handling their frustration and boredom. Placing the burden of alleviating one’s boredom back on a child isn’t a punishment; it’s an opportunity for them to find creative solutions to their discomfort and, as they mature into adults, to identify and cope with feelings of frustration.

As well, parents should model better behavior by resisting the temptation to pick up our phones whenever we are bored. Try this experiment: For one day, do not pick up your smartphone during small breaks in your routine, such as waiting for the train, or sitting in your car at a stoplight. If you find yourself in a doctor’s waiting room, or waiting for a friend at a restaurant, don’t pick up your phone to fill those few minutes. Pay attention to what is around you, or let your mind wander. This sounds like a simple experiment, but as someone who repeatedly tries and often fails to do this, it is revealing of our own bad habits and a useful prompt for thinking more critically about how we spend our time. Reaching for the phone every time is the easy fix, but it is one that has damaging long-term consequences for individuals and for society.

In other words: a bit of boredom is good for us, so the next time you have a minute to spare, instead of reaching for your phone, be rebellious: Daydream.”

Intrigued? You can read the full article, with an introduction from Jon Haidt (author of The Anxious Generation) HERE.

Blessings,

Sherrie Gibelyou

sherrie.gibelyou@ccatacoma.org

253-389-0349